I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
