Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
