Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
