This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
