At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
