I can text with my tongue
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
