Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
