I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
