What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
