Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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