my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
