just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
