If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
