You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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