I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
