Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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