I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
