I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
