He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
