I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
