Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
