so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He passed out mid-signature
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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