are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
