Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This baby is an asshole
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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