six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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