Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
