I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
