Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
