Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
