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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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