I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
