youre lurking in front of me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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