I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
