I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
