I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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