I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
