True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
