Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
