Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
