I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize