it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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