Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
