don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
