There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
