I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
