I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
