there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
