Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
