After last night, I could never be a politician.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
