I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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