we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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