Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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