your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
