Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
