i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize