I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
