The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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