when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
