Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
