i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
