Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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