so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
