Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
