how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
