I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
