Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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