There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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