Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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