I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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