you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
