the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
